Christian dating 101, for todays woman (not teens)

PART ONE:

This posting is for all the girls out there who have had a bad taste of dating life in their mouths, by personal life experience. What I have learned is; trial and error can be some of our very best tutors!

I also must make it clear that I am writing to today's, Christian Woman.The lady who is not like the rest of the girls out there just hoping to find love,but she is the virtuous woman who intends to please God, before, jumping in and filling the huge void of loneliness, by accepting the fist so called acceptable man who struts in their paths, who will simply do.

There are many foundations that are needful to lay out for today's christian dating. You must understand dating in 2009 is not dating like our moms did it!And we are a blessed generation, because we have so much grace and wisdom to draw from.So that even the way we approaching finding Mr, Right in our relationship with God is going to be way different, then how many of our moms may have done so!

1.Lay out a foundation:

We reap what we sow in everything in life.(Galatians 6:7). We certainly do not want to gamble with our lives.Just throwing caution to the wind and doing what feels right, but if we make a conscious effort to make right our relationship with God 1st we are making certain that a secure base is formed from which to build a solid plan, ahead to discover exactly where God wants us to be in life.

Asking God to send your life partner in prayer in the due season, is a fair prayer, to lay out, it shows God you are purposing to rely on Him for this direction, and as any Father would like, to have his child ask for guidance its please to our Lord!But He is not just any Father, is is the Most Holy God, El Shaddai,Emmanuel "God with us".So as we lean in to Him, its great to ask those who are like minded to agree with you in that prayer(I had many people in agreement with me when I went on this sojourn in my life).It was so encouraging to hear them tell me were agreeing with you for your soul mate/completer! But a Holy confidence arose in me when I began to seek God's hand in this direction.I began to feel it was alright to look, and expect for my as I liked to refer to him as "MY MINISTRY PARTNER" to be sent. In my heart if God is first, then when your husband joins you, it will be a ministry and marriage your forming!Amen!Not to say you are jumping on a pulpit anytime soon, but we all have our calls Mark 16:15, and should be ready in season and out to stand and tell what God has done in our lives!

So we all have had the great honor of witnessing our sister's in the body of Christ date this one and that one, and at times its hard to tell the difference between dating in the secular sense and in a Godly fashion.The best way to know, is a heart check up, knowing what our priorities are will set a clear definition. Do you wish above all to please God or the desires of your flesh?Then what standards have you laid out for dating?So if any man in Church asked you out and you were free are you game?Or even a man you think is desirable, for your private reasons, personality, looks, position or what ever?What would be your answer? Sure if I like him, I am all over that? Or maybe you are carrying baggage and need to know his entire history 5 generations back, so you know, he is not a player, or some one who will just steal your heart and leave?

I must say all things in balance!!!!!Do not make the mistake of over doing things nor under doing them either!When your unsure, that's when its so awesome to have people in your life you can trust, and bounce things off of or at the very least will pray with you about the right balance, in your approach!When you work on you and God the good things follow, this much an can attest to.You begin to hear His voice better for one thing.John 10:27, He tells us His sheep know His voice!

We can not let others tell us how to live and walk this private and personal walk we walk.But we can use wisdom, and draw from experience and wisdom from others,and the Lord says if you lack Wisdom ask for it!James 1:5 Amen!! We can ask Him and other too(when we know peoples hearts we can trust the Holy Spirit in them)so ask away!Part one is foundation and that equals RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD!

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2.Make a plan:

Make a list of what you need as a woman to feel blessed and happy.And then realized no man can give that to you.But we can seek out qualities in a man that will add to the joy you seek in life Not everyone likes salt and pepper, some people hate salty things, and other hate spicy things.What is your personal blend, what mixtures in life do you desire.Because together two people in Christ can truly sore, when its the right blend and mixture of gifts and personalities!When you know exactly what and who it is you want(even if he has no name yet)That's when the plan can accelerate growth!You do not have to fumble from wrong man after wrong man.Too often our fleshly desires confuse the desires of our hearts, and when Loneliness comes a begging we accept any affirmation, we can get HUGE MISTAKE ladies HUGE!Allowing your emotions to dictate your life directions is a recipe for disaster, you will most certainly fall at some point if this is your guide!We all need love and acceptance, but not from just any ole man.Your destiny is on the line here, and when you compromise, your saying your future is not important or meaningful in that moment of emotion and passion.Take a step back, if your already there, and spend some time getting the presence of God in your life!And love on God, ask Him to be your Husband, and fill every empty void and desire, That His will could come again!We all wear flesh suits, and we all blow it in some manner daily, somethings look bigger then others, but sin is sin.So if you have made a royal mess of things, re-group, and grab on to all of God you can get your hands on, seek His presence, bum rush the alters in worship and make it about an audience of one!Don't worry who is looking, but get Jesus for your own life right now!tell Him every wrong choice you made and ask Him to take it all from you, and restore your bond, so He is once again King who sits on the personal throne of your heart!That's all that matters!Get a plan ladies...whats in your heart, do you love the nations and desire to travel and touch the hurting and broken, are you captivated by today's youth and want to impart life to them, is being at home and welcoming others powerful in your life, does the song of the heart well up so high you just fall in love with Him every time you release it, and all you want to do is find a place of reckless abandonment, in worship...all these things are key to finding someone who will join you, along your journey...do you need lots of hugs, do you want time alone to be in thought for hours..do you like romance the dinners out, flowers, surprise gifts.....what is in your heart make a list.Something I even did was I got music on Cd's that echoed my heart..not all of it was 100% worship. but it would echo my want list, and when I would sing the lyrics, I felt hopeful.I played "three times a lady" allot, because I wanted to feel like a lady by my future prince!I would imagine him telling me, your once twice, three times a lady, and I love you!!And I would just lament for the one God was holding for me in the due season!

This is the 1st two steps of several more to come...stay tuned successful partnerships will soon be coming!

Christian online dating tips Part 2

Step 3

Now we know the very basic keys.I want to share some practical things about meeting people online. There are so many things to consider.
1.Affordability
2.How much time will you invest in the search
3.Safety
4.Other peoples input.
5.How to go about the process and whats acceptable as a child of God?

All the above will be what every Christian seeker will need to have good understanding of.

Affordability:

Affordability, is basically how much money are you willing to put in to getting a open profile?As a single mom; I had a limited budget. I found a site that offered a great service for $9.00 a month and it was not a limited plan I could speak to others and they could speak to me. Many sites offer a free profile but you can not connect with anyone until you pay money or they do.For $9.00 a month I had all the access I wanted.
The time spent on the search:
In reality, you should take it slow and easy, your not in a race.When you connect with someone your only talking about it effecting your "ENTIRE LIFE" so take your time, and make sure they are worthy of such an honor!Do not feel you have a week or a month to get this done in, have you not heard Rome was not built in a day!All good things are worth the time, to build!

Safety :

This is the most powerful key I wish to express.Be safe no matter what!There are even in Godly places evil doers at work!You can not give out personal information until you have built a solid friendship 1st THAT IS IMPEARITIVE!And for your 1st few meetings you should never meet in private!After spending plenty of time chatting progress to web cam chats, but keep it clean!Many people have a negative idea about the web cams, but they can be a great tool in getting acquainted with a new person, especially if they do not live close to you!I spent months chatting with my future groom before we ever met!And do not ever send pictures of your children to any one you wouldn't trust their lives with!Even if your in them!Only after you know them like a best friend can you open up such a treasure to them!And I suggest for a 1st date make it meet a Church event, separate cars, and have a friend with you, if you get any bad feelings trust your unction with in to guide you, back off right then and agree to part friends, or at least in your next web chat!(If they do not know where you live you will be in no danger) When things are far enough along, you can meet them for one on one dates but do so at a public place, restaurant, movies, ect....Keep it public, for a while.And I believe hugs are fine, but no more till later! I will explain why later on, it has to do with your inner spirit and how it effects you.Not because I don't believe intimacy is off limits for all Christians.But all things in God's timing!You may exchange all kind of pictures via Internet once your to this level.But I also wanted to share get feedback from Church friends after they meet him, take some people with a grain of salt, you never know what slant everyone may be coming from?Many people are fearful of any stranger at all,especially if they learn you met on line, there is quite a social stigma with it!Even in this day and age!But those in tune with your heart of hearts will not lead you wrong!Rightly discern what they have to say!

Input of others!

Ok, let it be known, not everyone has your best interests at heart, if it were up to certain people they would keep you single FOREVER!That's just the way it is, and others may be jealous of your social activity, when they have not been able to cultivate their own.Then others will judge you sharply if learning your method of meeting is online(somethings are better off on the down low!)Other times you may need the wisdom of others to know, if your stepping out of the will of God!But in the end its your heart the Holy Spirit speaks to, so stay hooked up, and listen closely, get alone if your not hearing God, and quiet your mind, let Him lead you with His peace, if not by a Word!

The process:

I suggest building up & slowly establish a friendship 1st, in getting to know(your online pal) . What makes them happy, what gets them mad, and even sad?Listen to what they have to say closely, its a precursor to whats inside them, do they speak ill of many women?Are they talking about God's will much? A seed always produces like fruit!Do not fall for the rescue me syndrome, or yourself be too needy, a quality person can sense this right off!And make clear what your standards are up front always!Do not be afraid to speak your heart on such matters!Just be your self, and leave out putting on a show!As you build up to the 1st meeting process, keep in mind anything short of marriage always offers a way out...your not bound to that person of things begin to not line up to your biggest expectations?Although I must say not 100% of our wants will always be fulfilled, people are human and will always fall short, major on the majors & minor on the minors!Enjoy your courtship, laugh a lot and really get to know that person, from their personality out!You need to know if they are your polar opposite or a Gift from God, and as you spend time together, do the little things they do drive you nuts?Or does your heart ache every second your apart?That's the beginning of the actual relationship...and that's where your love story starts!